What a Trip

 

In the past two weeks or so, I have driven across the country with my daughter, flown to Kauai, and moved into a new place near Nawiliwili Harbor (try saying that three times fast).  And along the way,,, the things I’ve heard and the things I’ve seen:

1.  “Kick me in the nut sack.  $20.” ~ Cardboard sign held by a guy sporting a speedo outside Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas.

2.  “What do you mean the valet didn’t give you a card when you checked your car?  Here’s a lost form and a pen.” ~ Female valet at Caesar’s Palace.

3.  “No, the ride’s not broken.  It’s just malfunctioning.”  ~ Worker for roller coaster at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas.  She uttered these words before attempting to push the launch button and send us 110 stories above the ground without seat restraints.

4.  “Stop being such an asshole.  You’re always an asshole.  I can’t stand all this unnecessary drama.” ~ Blonde princess on Mission Beach, California.

5.  Obese Chinese man fondling his ear hair like a little girl playing with her ringlets. ~ Waiting in line for hostess in California.

6.  “I like your hair.  I like your braids.  I like your eyes.” ~ Surf bum looking to join my daughter and me for breakfast at Kono’s on Mission Beach.  My daughter’s hair was in one braid, but apparently he saw more.

7.  “Everything comes out of a woman.  You respect your mother and your auntie, because everything comes out of a woman.” ~ Drunk, but harmless, and very nice man speaking to my daughter and her friend at Kalapaki’s Beach, Kauai.

8.  “You failed.  Try again next Friday.” ~ Lady at the DMV after she graded my driving test.

9.  The prior tenant in our new house was a lovely woman named Almond.  Her friend Joy was visiting.  (Note: read this one a couple of times.  You’ll get it.  And no, I’m not making this up.)

10.  “Don’t piss off the aunties.” ~ Advice from a guy on the beach.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up!

Road Trip

There’s a road trip in my future—a cross-country journey with my daughter along the wide-open highway.  Truth be told, I’ve never driven past the state line on my own, or at least as the sole adult in charge.  Images of Thelma and Louise, truck drivers, rest stops, and seedy motels leap into my consciousness.  Once I get past my fear of a flat tires and serial killers, it hits me.  This is going to be the trip of a lifetime!

Denver to Los Angeles.  No definite time line.  No defined route.  Priceless time with the love of my life.  We are going to stop at every state line and take a selfie with the “Welcome to Wherever” sign in the background.  We’ll stop at rural gas stations and buy silly postcards with pictures of jackalopes.  Maybe we’ll pick up beef jerky and fudge and gorge ourselves.  I’ll put away countless Diet Pepsis.  She’ll chew bubble gum and hijack the music controls.  In Utah, we’ll take the time to tour some of the canyons and buy more silly postcards.  Then, a two-day stop in Las Vegas.  We’ll tour the strip, ride the death-defying rollercoaster, snap pictures of drunks, and lounge by the pool.  Mostly, we’ll talk and laugh and bond.

Maybe we’ll be the new millennium version of Thelma and Louise.  Except I’ll be the boss and we won’t shoot anybody’s head off in a parking lot and I won’t drink Jack Daniels from airline bottles while I drive.  Nor will I chuck the empties out the window.  And we won’t have a convertible.  Or a gun.  But we will have a sunroof.  Oh yeah, and when our trip comes to an end, I’ll park my little red car safely in L.A.  No cliff-jumping suicide pacts for us.

On second thought, scratch the Thelma and Louise comparison.  We’ll just be two women at different stages of our lives, bonded by love and taking on the interstate.  One of us is just entering womanhood, and her whole life is splayed out in front of her like petals on a daisy.  A life full of promise and hope and joy.  The other with a big chunk of life behind her—some good and some not so much.  But also with a future that glows bright.

I can’t wait to gas up!